To celebrate Mental Health Month in America this month (October) I made an album called Clear The Air about mental health and other topics but mainly mental health. It started off …
To celebrate Mental Health Month in America this month (October) I made an album called Clear The Air about mental health and other topics but mainly mental health. It started off as a song I first did called Let Me Be and decided to make an album then I changed it to a mixtape as it’s old tracks revamped with lyrics and different instruments. It is my own personal stories with life in general let’s call it the struggle. The mixtape’s name Maze’s Mixtape is a reference to being trapped in a situation you can’t get out of and your head starts to cloud up well mine did anyway, it’s where the inspiration from Daze came from if you’ve heard that one it’s off the album called Highs & Lows another vocal house album I did and appeared on. I wrote all the songs myself and got the inspiration from my own trials and tribulations and also Mary J Blige who said in a video for Spotify Artists “Just write from your heart” which I did and got quite a lot of anger out in the process highly recommended for people who are frustrated and have a lot of built-up anger inside them. I found it easy enough to write 15 songs or poems and enjoyed doing the hooks the most, it was done in under a week and I did songs back to back day and night as I was having fun doing the writing process, not so much at the end and the putting the tracks together even though it was half done for me as I used my old loops some from albums that weren’t even ready to be consumed yet but still I’m learning not quite there yet I feel.
Hold Me Back is a track about being held back by certain people in my life and me saying it’s not okay to do that. I’ve been held back many times by friends and even family who seem to think they know what’s best. I’ve been nice by not saying anything but now I’m tired of it. This ain’t about family but more friends and others who seem to think it’s okay to go round knocking people down to make up for their low self-esteem honestly I’m tired of it. I don’t enjoy calling people out that’s not my style but when they go on like what they do it’s hard not to.
Limbo is about being alone in this world and is my own long experience of loneliness. To be honest, I’ve always been a loner I enjoy my solitude but I do like to socialize I am normal lol, not to get the tissues out or anything but having a mental illness didn’t help and people either stopped talking to me or I stopped talking to them. My reasons were I couldn’t trust anyone doesn’t know what their excuse was but they are all grown now and have kids whilst I sit here on my laptop entertaining myself. Whilst my inner thoughts are silent at the moment I still find it hard to go out and meet people. I tried webcam chat but they want dates or one on one sexy time I’ll pass thanks. Even talking to people online makes me nervous I prefer old skool chat rooms but that’s where the real weirdos hang out to so I’m put off, I’ve never said it before so to say it out loud felt awkward but now I’m okay with it and know it’s okay to say you’re lonely.
Recollections is about bad memories from the past haunting you. It references a line from another song I did called Insomnia and was referencing the many all-nighters I used to pull and do random stuff, I stayed up for three days straight before doing random stuff like walking to nowhere and doing silly things. In the first verse of the track the lines “bad dreams is all what they seem” is referencing dreams I thought were real and in an episode, they felt real. It’s part of the illness Pyschosis but it always felt like I had ties somewhere and in the present, the past was calling me digging up old wounds and throwing salt. Dawn is referring to two things the House song by Pete Tong I liked the remix can’t think which one though. I’m referring to it as it was one of the lowest points of my life when I was playing that song and also it made me happy but it didn’t help. I also used dawn as a tribute to the 80’s rave promoter Sunrise and other reasons which I already explained so please check out my mental health story coming out on the 10th of this month (October) if you want to know more on that. I remember there being a divide within the family when I was proper young like 3 and upwards and there were massive fights it was chaotic which is where the line “divide within the team” comes from it’s about family I no longer see cos of the big rift which makes me sad when I think about it. “In the night they beam” in the night referencing dark days in my life and beam means they are illuminated and shine meaning people give them props for weak moves that they do. “Climb that highest mountain and ignore those who growl” is not only my advice I would give to you if dealing with haters but also a mountain lion reference.
Music Saved Me is about my love hate relationship with music and is a healer but a destroyer for me. As I said before I’ve talked all about it in my mental health story post I did a while back but being released on the 10th of this month (October.) The whole track is shouting out my favourite songs that personally helped me through my struggle in order they are (and by the way if I remember I’ll put a video blog post of all the songs that inspired this album in the V.O.C Notes section on the website.
Aaliyah – Are You Somebody
Missy Elliott- Mommy
Ludacris- How Low
Ahmad -Back In The Day
Salt ‘n’ Pepa – Tramp
Usher – My Way
Lil Kim – Spend A Little Doe
Lil’ Kim – Lil Drummer Boy
LSG – My Body
Mary J Blige – Be With You
Boyz II Men – End Of The Road
TLC – Case Of The Fake People
TLC – Let’s Do It Again
Brandy – Where You Wanna Be
Kelly Price – Best Friend
Method Man & Redman Ft Toni Braxton – I Get So High
Tone Loc – Cheba Cheba
Disclosure – When A Fire Starts To Burn
Peggy Lee – Fever
Notorious B.I.G – Playa Hater
Rihanna – Russian Roulette
Michael Jackson – Stranger In Moscow
Zhane – Sending You My Love
Dru Hill – Sleeping In My Bed (Remix)
Sporty Thieves – No Pigeons
Snap – Ride on Time
Get High is an anti-propaganda song that is targeted to weed. With my illness psychosis they say not to smoke weed even though I do and they keep scorning me for it so I wrote a song about just wanting to get high without any consequences and even though I smoke regularly I still haven’t had another episode since the last one 3 years ago when I first was admitted to hospital and was my first visit to a ward. Weed has always made me want to create something not destroy anything and I’m hoping for more relaxed rules in the U.K in the near future. DM is referring to the British newspaper Daily Mail similar to Fox News with their racism and propaganda not to say the extra-large dose of scaremongering.
Demons Inside is about living with your demons and the constant pressure there is from it. My demons were drugs and voices in my head which have both gone now but at one point I was dealing with several demons. I became an animal and I thought I was unstoppable hence the line “The animal I became thought I had a umbrella for this rain” the “umbrella” being protection from the “rain” meaning elements. All the questions I had too like the line “Too many questions not enough answers” I’m looking for my truths but not getting answers and met with dead roads. The line “Like are they really gassing or in fact private dancers” means are they just hyping or working for someone not necessarily work for them but to collaborate with them to bring you down my haters run deep personally. The line “Demons inside me are fluent” is referring to my psychosis and hearing voices and seem to know everything which is why it always feels so real. “Don’t gas me up got no time for that” is a gaslighting phrase and is also a Lil’ Kim song called “No Time” where puff daddy sings on the hook “No time for fake niggas just sipping crystal with the real niggas from east to west coast spread love niggas and while you niggas talking shit we count bank figures.” The line “psychosis enemy, I think I need another hit is referring to voices in my head I had at that time and for nearly three decades, “I think I need another hit” is referring to self-medicating on weed to help me calm down didn’t help with the voices though but it didn’t drive me crazy.
Let Me Be is a whole song dedicated to Psychosis and tells of stories of when I went on mad ones. I’ve said many times now but I’ll say it again if you want more information on Psychosis check out my blog post coming out on the 10th of this month (October.)
So You’re A Hater is my own fuck you haters song and is after many years of being hated on by the hater crew with their sad and pitiful asses. “So you’re a hater bitch, bitch you’re dead wrong” is referring to the Notorious B.I.G track Dead Wrong where he says “The weak and the strong you got it goin on you you’re dead wrong” same with the line “You’re weak and you’re strong” it’s also referencing the Biggie track Dead Wrong. The Line “You see these haters are petty goodness gracious me” is referencing three things haters first of all then the British Comedy Goodness Gracious Me and the current feelings of Brexit how petty it’s getting. It’s referencing the British comedy as it’s an all Asian cast and represents migrants and immigrants and the negative perception of them especially in Britain and around the world which started on Muslims then led any immigrant, oh it’s also a saying when you are shocked or surprised at something I’m sure you have heard it. The Line “They say what does he really know and can he really speak” is about the haters judging and crititzing people and me. I’ve been criticized for a few things making music, appearing on the BBC in an interview for the news at 6 and 10 but I know they are bitching cos they are insecure about themselves and anyway it’s never done in front of me and they know I’ll pull up on them. The line “I found my voice and I’m going use it, I didn’t have a choice I pity you trying to ruse is telling them haters I didn’t have a choice you made me act crazy you put petrol to the fire and I went off, don’t start a fire on purpose and not to expect to be called an arsonist but they thought it was all fun and games but I always get the last laugh. They are always trying to conjure up a plot like some bad cheap witches/Guy Fawkes their days are numbered. “You buffalo freaks” is referencing the people who go to the gym, not like normal people they think they are bad cos they got muscles and look down at people with no hunchness in them. It’s mainly at people on steroids and go around putting people down cos their circle likes to have muscles and think it’s the world while I think it’s is shallowness and shouldn’t even be entertained in my opinion. “You hate so much like the seasons” is referring to British weather one minute it’s hot then it’s cold then it’s snowing then it’s raining it’s always hating when we have something too good just give Britain a chance for Pete’s sake.
Hanging Out My Love is about taking bold steps to find friendship and possible love but it’s more friendship, I felt inspired after hearing a sample and used it in my own works Love On The Line (Firestarter 2018) for a splice competition. I thought it was about time I got back out there and met people and make some changes, it’s already been a big year for me in 2019 with changes and next year I plan to make bigger steps. I have an end goal going to a wedding in America, Florida next year (2020) if I go or not who will know but I’m going to get ready for it just in case I do go but who knows.
Peace Be With You is about finding peace within yourself and removing any unwanted drama from your life. This covers all hate topics too racism, politics, genders, sexuality, nations, terrorist, Hater’s and other’s and I’m saying we shouldn’t go at war with each other cos of those things and we should embrace people instead of knocking them down. Obviously there are some that can’t be accepted like the extremists they need to calm down cos that hate is too strong it’s like a disease but everyone who wants to fit in should be allowed to no matter what. The line “Gotta have peace gotta have faith, don’t let it to rub off on you don’t allow it to chaff” I was saying don’t let other people’s perceptions change you and irritate you to do something stupid never give haters the time of day. Also the line “It’s funny and peculiar, how they act like a junior” is referencing both Boris Johnson’s and Donald Trump’s behavior acting like a toddler when they don’t get their way shame on you both, I’m saying this isn’t how presidents and prime ministers should act.
Funny stuff is about people who seem to have affection for you but turns out to be a snake and stab you in the back when you ain’t looking. It reference’s another Notorious B.I.G. track called Juicy where he says “It’s all good baby baby” and also calls out the haters and also Trump and Boris calling them babies. It also references a Kendrick Lemar song Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe with the line “Bitch you killed my vibe now I don’t even follow you” I follow has two meanings follow you like “I follow you to the club” and follow you like “what the hell you on about I don’t follow what you mean.” It means I’ll cut all ties with you if you play me and talk shit behind my back and I can take the pettiness but some things hurt, it also means I will not support you or your games. “Lorenzo from the West” is referencing the hurricane that passed Britain and is also my name but it’s Laurence I have been called Lorenzo plus the west bit is because I was born in a place in Bristol called Lawrence Weston. The name is going to be my alter ego name and I’m in the process of making an album around it so do look out for that. I decided to call myself Lorenzo West after the storm and I’ve been told I’m a storm in a teacup.
Money Hungry is about, you guessed it money-hungry people. I’m not saying it’s not good to be money hungry but do you really have to be that shallow and hollow with it. I’m tired too of these fake rappers with their rented jewels and on credit gangsters where the real people at lol. I’m not down for the rat race nor am I interested in showing off and that ‘s what money seems to be about nowadays some people don’t know the value of it and don’t know how lucky we all really are to have it. Money can change a person too they go on stuck up and call people bum bitches because they receive benefits or food stamps if you’re American but they forget where they came from and turn their backs on their so-called friends and I ain’t talking about cutting them off to find peace with yourself. I was referencing two songs at the start of the first verse with “Money money money, money walks money talks” O’Jays For The Love Of Money and Stevie V Adventures Dirty Cash. It also references Ludacris Act A Fool “It can leave you malnourished and acting like a fool,” Abba Money Money Money “Money money money ain’t it funny in a poor man’s world,” Bob Marley Rat Race “It is a rat race to say it ain’t is absurd” and Niki Minaj Beez In The Trap “Gimme gimme honey like beez in the trap” and also Lil’ Wayne Make It Rain “I can’t make it rain but it’s me who you should fear” In the second verse I shout out the songs Diamonds And Pearls by Prince “Gimme diamonds and pearls” and yet another biggie song Gimme The Loot “Gimmie the loot gimmie the unsold” which means give me the unsalable and the unsigned I’ve always had love for underground artists especially. The line “Money splurger it can turn to murder, no one cared no one ever heard her” is referencing two things the Tupac and Biggie incident that I think was down to money and was fired up by Suge Knight and other money-related murders also the honey trap honeys who are scandalous and go round robbing people with their looks without anyone noticing. It happened to a friend of mine his ex robbed him and stole inheritance money from him so it was based around that. “You can give it to the birds and bees but the best things in life are free” is referencing Barrett Strong Money That’s What I Want and “vapor lacer” is referencing my passion for old synths and the genre Vaporwave.
Delusional State is about losing your mind and my own personal tale of hearing voices in music. The opening line “When Pony come out I was in a bad place, didn’t want to talk always up in your face” is about the Ginuwine song Pony and when that came out my head was all over the place it began of talk of Illuminati puppets in the music industry in the classroom which didn’t help my already paranoia self and it kind of snowballed into a big problem. I still love the song and haven’t played it for a while but I do like to get down with that song and not in sexy time way lol. In the last line of the first verse I say “I found hidden meaning which I found disturbing, so I went on rants I thought I was curbing” I went on rants and tried to fight with the quote-unquote Illuminati puppets I thought they were dissing me and this was over a few decades. Before you all get cray on me no it wasn’t the puppets or some MK Ultra mind control thing or though there are people out there who think they are helping the puppets cos that’s what makes them feel like a real man or lady or bitch and bastard SNM. They pick on weaker people but that’s the thing I don’t look all that but keep pissing me off and I’ll make you pay, but before you think I’m manic people say I’m friendly and down to earth once you get to know me that is. I mentioned the song by Niki Minaj Only with the line “When only come out I thought I need some help” as when it came out that’s when it was getting all too much like when I had a breakdown when I was 14. It was the music complex and I had to battle going to college every day and being harassed there too cos I was acting odd. Even though everything was salty I still had love and knew it was all in my head as I sworn I saw it when I was younger around 4 people dealing with the same problems so I think it all stemmed from that but that’s to say that’s not an episode as well. The last four lines “Feeling distraught, blind without a rail, it should be fought, your ship has sailed” is about feeling let down and hurt by my favourite artists or that’s what it felt like, I was always panicking when I heard a song come on that felt threatening to me, I was ready to fight them and give them a piece of my mind and would have pulled up on them, I would have tried to take them all on I wasn’t scared. I was done with giving them a chance after many years, decades in fact with this mess in my ear.
Rebuke is my answers to the witch hunt my life has become. If you ever dealt with a conspircay you know what I’m on about but to put it bluntly, they think they own you that’s who I was talking to some delusional crowd who believe their own hype and fake their animal side. And it’s not even the crowd it’s the ring leaders and they are all washed up never has been’s think they are running a show yeah the show is on you freaks, I mean in all honesty I thought I was the delusional one but it turns out there is a whole boatload of them who congregate together and do all sorts of bad stuff. I won’t get into the fact I’ve been stalked and harassed by lamb for over nearly a decade (that’s what I’m calling him for this blog by the way) or the fact he tried to turn the whole of Bristol against me and no I didn’t do anything to him Lamb had another victim he was really the victim, I gave him more than he give but the other one didn’t make it. It’s these weak people who think they can take over family’s and ruin them I’m not being funny but homewreckers springs to mind the sad thing is they are all hyped up cos they‘re infamous for being trashy and homewreckers and they think it’s cool but I’m here to say it’s not. Which is why I opened with the lines “Who do you think you are, you have taken this thing too far” I’m saying you’re a joke people know it. Once he tried to make out he was some sort of cult member set out to destroy the weak and for a bit, I actually believed it but not for long as there wasn’t any real proof of a leader or any other followers I guess he was following himself. I don’t mind haters talking but when damage is being done then it’s more then a joke it’s getting serious. The next line “Go and get your milk you furball baby I hope you choke” is calling them all Thatcher’s supporters and calling lamb and followers pussies.“I hope you choke” is referencing a choker (bondage) whilst saying I hope you choke on that milk (Thatcher’s propaganda.) “Sorry there is nothing you can do, thought I’ll be locked up in a zoo” means there’s nothing you can do or say to change my mind and whatever you say will come out as some more bull shit from your dirty mouths. Locked up in a zoo is referencing a mental unit and they thought they could get me sent to jail or put in a mental ward that already happened twice once on April Fools and the other on Halloween just two days before. I know I was being messed with and this is just proof that he was going on wreckless. He wasn’t happy when I came out and I was told months after by my support worker that he demanded to have me carted back cos I wasn’t fit to be around his kid which is a lie as I would never do anything to a child even in my darkest day. The last line “But oh no here I am, taken to the cleaners call it shazam” this is referencing what happened to the original Shazam and the original makers who got hounded by DC Comics to submission and eventually they went out of business and DC Comics bought the rights to Shazam but it’s kind of like the same thing. I was taken to the cleaners in the sense they nearly had me washed up but I always fought with them and it was back and forth constantly they are just wanna be’s in my opinion and yeah it sounds crazy but it really did happen and is no way a delusional thought and I’m do insist that I am healthy and hearing voice free for 4 years now. I need to talk about it as someone should expose them for who they really are, honestly, they are laughable and I’ve always maintained how they ain’t shit and nothing to be scared off trying to run people’s ghosts around town to enslave them what’s that about and I wasn’t the only one.
Life Goes (On) is my message to other people who have been in a struggle with life. It’s a reminder that life goes on no matter what it throws at us and that we should always pick ourselves up and try again or dust yourself off and try again sorry I had to do it lol. We all have our bad days but we mustn’t give up at the first hurdle no one ever won their private marathon by doing this. It’s the last track of the album as I wanted to leave on a positive note and is one of my positive tracks I’ve made.